


In my dreams, I see you

by Gosari



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Brief mention of Mantis, Brief mention of the guardians, Canon Universe, Dreams, Gen, Hurt, I suck at tagging but I'll do my best, No Romance, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 01:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19308253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gosari/pseuds/Gosari
Summary: When Thor sleeps, he dreams of people he loved.





	In my dreams, I see you

**Author's Note:**

> The death's canon, and I'm still really sad about it. It's also my first fic here, please, please, please be kind. I would love to hear from ya'll what works or what needs to be improved on! 
> 
> The fic's not beta-ed so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Note: Words in italics are Thor's thoughts so they are not spoken out loud.

_He’s gone but you think of him always, in the darkest of night._

 

* * *

 

 

The figure moved back quickly from where it had been looming over Thor when he awoke, his feet catching the blankets around them. The bedroom curtains were half opened, and the room was awash with deep reds, pinks, and orange from the setting sun. The figure remained shrouded in shadows but a strip of deep orange had landed on his hair, alighting that portion.

“Loki?” he said.

The figure stood there, silent, unmoving. Yet Thor felt his brother’s gaze upon him. When Thor moved to sit up, the figure took another step backwards, keeping the distance between both of them. Thor watched, momentarily transfixed, as the strip of orange light in the hair slid away and Loki was fully engulfed by the dark.

“Loki, I thought…” _I thought you dead_. Thor laughed, his voice raspy from the last vestiges of sleep. The knowledge of his loss had been so vivid, it consumed all his waking moments. When he slid down onto the floor during his earlier drunken stupors after the snap, before the fight against Thanos again, his last few thoughts were usually _They are all gone_ and _Why am I alive?_

If this was a cruel trick and Loki had faked his death again, he didn’t think he would be able to bear it.

“Back from the dead again, I see,” Thor commented bitterly, “How many times must this trick be played, Brother?”

The remains of sleep pulled at his body, and he felt slightly sluggish but the desire to feel anger was strong. Fury would move him into motion and give him motivation to do… something, he know not what, but anything would be better than drinking and just… existing.

“Say something, will you?” Thor said. _Please_.

He would move to hold, or shake, Loki but when his brother was this silent- and he had tried to move away earlier- Thor made the uncharacteristic decision to wait.

A soft exhale. Loki’s smooth voice replied, “Hello Thor.”

Thor wondered when his voice had lodged itself in his throat. It refused to come out right and he sat there in bed, feeling as if someone had stuck pins into his heart. He reached out to his brother but Loki took another step back, further into the darkness. The colours had drained from the sunset and a melancholic blue had taken its place. It would be dark soon.

Curse the lights in the room, why was it so dark?

“Loki, please, stop moving away. I need you.“

Loki, who was always so quick to scoff at sentiment, stood motionless. Thor remembers a wistful expression on the face of his brother once, when his friends had dragged him from a conversation with Loki, and Thor had turned back, only to see that particular expression before Loki schooled it back into something neutral.

Thor moved to slide off the bed, “I will not have a conversation in this darkness anymore. It’s weird and you are acting strange-“

“Thor,” Loki’s voice stopped him and he paused, one leg off the bed, “If there should be one truth I reiterate, it’s this. Never doubt that I love you.”

Okay, damn the light switch. Loki was scaring him badly. Thor jumped up from the bed and he rushed out to grab Loki’s hand, or where he thought Loki’s hand should be. He anticipated Loki moving backwards and when his right hand missed Loki barely, he used it to brace himself against the bed as he lunged with his left hand outstretched.

He missed, or rather, his hand went through the body.

Thos stared at his hand. It was dark but he could see its shape just fine. He looked up but Loki was still in darkness.

“You aren’t really here,” Thor stated. Of course, of course, he should have known. _Silly, imbecilic…_

Loki shook his head.

“I’m not. I’m but a figment of your dreams. A manifestation of your longing.”

Thor stared at him, numbly, “A dream?”

He continued looking at the shape of his hand in the darkness. It was stifling, and he said to himself, “I didn’t even get to bury your body.”

“When the sun set fully, I was to disappear,” Loki stated monotonously, “but you, you need to keep going. For us.”

“I can’t, not without you -“

His hands reached out again, a need to touch, to know-

Thor woke up with his right hand outstretched towards a dull grey ceiling. When he lowered it down, he could hear the remnants of Loki’s words. A figment of your dream.

He turned to the right and was met with the sight of a multitude of stars in the galaxy through a viewport. They flicker ever so gently.

_I am not on Midgard, not in the house I shared with Korg. I am on a ship, with the guardians. It was a dream._

Thor sat up in bed, a terrible ache lingering in his chest. It seemed to spread to his limbs when he stood up. He picked up a grey hoodie that was draped over a chair, put it on, and walked out of the sleeping quarters.

In the room that functioned as a pantry and kitchen of sorts, he sees Mantis standing alone, a cup of something hot in her hands. She’s gazed at the steam dreamily and would occasionally blow on it just to see it disperse. She looked up when Thor clattered around the space.

“You are sad,” she said, her voice calm. She looked concerned.

“Don’t get into my mind,” growled Thor, even when he knows she didn’t deserve it. The dream got to him, reminded him of bleeding, empty spaces in his heart.

“I don’t need to,” said Mantis, her mouth curved into a small, sad smile, “I can see it.” She took a cautious sip from her cup and looked at him expectantly.

Thor thinks of asking her to know and to feel, to share in his sorrow. Was it too selfish?

Instead he replied, “I wish I could go back to sleep, to dream and forget.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to explore the idea of someone wishing to meet their loved ones so badly, they dream of the conversation they could have had if they did meet. I get really vivid dreams at times and one time I awoke and the feeling from that dream was real intense. 
> 
> Maybe Loki's alive and finally getting a break somewhere (that's my wish), but in this, it's really just Thor dreaming. Sorry.


End file.
